It can be said that practicing deference has some similarities to practicing love. Love puts the needs and desires of others before our own, and so practicing deference puts the needs and desires of others before our own.

Matthew 17:24-27

…”of whom do the kings of the earth take custom or tribute? Of their own children, or of strangers?” Peter saith unto him, “of strangers.” Jesus saith unto him, “Then the children are free. Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money; that take, and give unto them for me and thee.

As Jesus and the disciples were coming into Capernaum, Peter was confronted by the tax collector about paying the tax. Capernaum was the town that Peter had lived in. Jesus told Peter that as local residents, they didn’t have to pay this tax, as it was customary to only charge it to foreigners.

The decision that Jesus and Peter faced was whether to practice deference and just pay the tax, or not pay it and cause a controversy in town. There is a trap here that in making the wrong decision would have taken the focus off of the lessons Jesus needed to teach in chapter 18. There would be much talking about whether he should pay the tax, which by rights he didn’t have to do, or he could teach his disciples about humility and forgiving one another. How often do we miss what God is doing because we are too worried about out “rights”?

Jesus decided to just pay it and get about his Father’s business.

It is very interesting how the tax was paid though, because it would appear that Jesus didn’t have the money. He sends Peter fishing! Telling him that the tax money would be in the mouth of the first fish he caught!

How strange this must have seemed to Peter. But there is an important lesson here that we all need to learn. When we are obedient and pursue God with our whole heart, meaning earnestly seeking to think like him, speak like him and act as he would, God rewards us in unimaginable ways.

Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

This verse makes it clear that God himself will reward those who seek to grow in the character traits of Jesus.

Simply put, deference means to take care of the other guy first. That’s what Jesus would do, and God will make the arrangements to take care of you.

Let’s work to practice this most of all in our own homes!

Here are five “ I will” principles to practice in order to incorporate the character trait of deference into your life (write these on a poster, board of overhead transparency).

1. I will notice those around me.
2. I will respect the feelings of others.
3. I will not use offensive language.
4. I will not play loud music in public.
5. I will be careful how I dress.

Closing #1: Let’s dialog about it with one another.

• Shift into small discussion groups of 3-4.

• Encourage groups to list the hindrances in their own lives to practicing deference in their families and with acquaintances.

• Ask groups to share their feelings with the whole group.

Closing #2: Let’ close in silent prayer, ask God: